This will not mean as much to those who have not seen Big Fish.
So my very own Sandra Templeton is walking around campus each and every day. Sometimes I see her on the way to class. Other times I am lucky enough to run into her as I am leaving campus. When I see her I take the chance to speak to her. Alas though, she is Sandra Templeton. She is taken.
When Edward Bloom first sees Sandra Templeton, time stands still. Perhaps this is something that happens differently to each man, or maybe the movie just got it wrong. When I saw Miss Templeton for the first time, time itself did not stand still. I saw Sandra, then I saw her leave. There was, in fact, nothing peculiar about time at all. I definitely noticed that I was as quickly deprived of her beauty as I was introduced to it. An interesting thing did happen though: the rest of the evening happened as background events. Actions were memorable due only to the fortuity that they happened on the day that I saw the most beautiful woman alive. This was three years ago.
Imagine my surprise when, at the beginning of the term, I start passing her on my way to, and from, classes. I had only seen Sandra a couple of times in the years following the first encounter, and had never spoken to her, so I never thought anything of seeing her with regularity. It was just a bonus.
Three weeks ago I made the mistake of mentioning to a friend that I had been seeing this beautiful lady quite frequently. Of course, my friend turns out to be her friend too (for now let’s not go into how I didn’t’ figure this out earlier). Also, of course, my friend tells me to introduce myself to Sandra, which I managed to do soon after. In the following weeks I had the pleasure of walking to and from class with Miss Templeton, talking about oddities of class. We discussed whatever happened to be about the day.
My problems didn’t begin until I asked a friend about her. Apparently Miss Templeton was not only gorgeous; she was also one of the most amazing people alive. Friends and acquaintances spoke univocally of her caring and kindness. Literally every time I mentioned the name ‘Sandra Templeton’, someone nearby said, “She’s so sweet.” I was beginning to think that I had encountered a regular fount of concern for others. I was beginning to find Miss Templeton quite attractive. It didn’t take long to decide whether or not I would ask her out. I had a little chip on my shoulder cautioning me to not to expose myself, and years of existential thought telling me that I only have one chance to make live ‘abundant.’
I wasn’t sure how I was going to ask her out, but I didn't have to wait long for an opportune moment. When I couldn’t reach her to invite her to lunch one day, I knew that I had found my opportunity: It was a day that I normally walked from class with Sandra.
I left class early, and headed to the library. After getting a bit of advice I grabbed a friend and proceeded to run to my vehicle. The time was 2:45, and I am guessing Sandra usually gets to her car around 3:20. In order that I may not be seen, I had to make it back by 3:15 at the latest. Luckily, I managed to drive from the school to a local florist and back in less than twenty minutes. When I spotted her car I knew that I still had a chance. I placed on her windshield a card that I had bought, on which I had written, “I can never catch you for lunch; Would you like to try dinner instead?”
I also placed a single white rose.
Do not forget her name though. We are still talking about Sandra Templeton, and Sandra is taken.
And the worst part? This is a true story. I don’t have writers giving me lines, and noone is deciding for Miss Templeton whether or not to allow Ed into her life. If I shower Miss Templeton with the movie's unasked-for affection, I am afraid I will drive her even further away.
I’m sorry that this story doesn’t really have a great ending. Although don’t blame me, I didn’t write it.
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